shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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