I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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