Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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