Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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