the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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