I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
