thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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