I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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