i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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