She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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