Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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