i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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