tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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