see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
