??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize