Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
