you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
