I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
