goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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