he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
