you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
