there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize