so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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