taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
