why didn't you poke me back
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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