Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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