Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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