remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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