3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
