Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize