____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
