And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
