I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
