What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
