the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
How does one acquire holy water?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize