You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Less talking, more tequila
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
