I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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