I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
my shit smells like andre
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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