Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize