i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
