Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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