You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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