she was so not down for the gang bang
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
