Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
