we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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