sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
