two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
