u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
