I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
