DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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