i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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