Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize