By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
