Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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