Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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