i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
