I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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