Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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