You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I need a beard to bite.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
