It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
