The maid of honor just puked.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
