I hate all girls vehemently.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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