Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
