my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
