dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
