I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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