dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
