I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
