if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
