Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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