Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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