She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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