so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
