Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
