In the future we'll all be gay
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
