I need to stop coming to work sober
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize