There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
