I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
