I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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