We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
