I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
