I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
