Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
