Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
