he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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