She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
