I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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