I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
