every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize