Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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