I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
