You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
