I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
