The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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