I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
