so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize