the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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