I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Welp...herpes.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize