I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
