Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
