i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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