How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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