if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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